Fly the Deadly Skies

Now personally, I haven't flown commercial for ages. But I do like to go to the airport to pick up the children
that I have met over the internet. These are the children that I convinced to come live with me at my magic
happy gumdrop castle, or as I like to call it, Subterranean T-shirt Manufacturing Facility #58008.

One problem at the airport is that there should be more racial profiling and not less. Yes, of course the Arabs
are all terrorists. I think that goes without saying. But they need to take a closer look at the Jews and the
Koreans because they're both very sneaky and probably up to something. As an African American, I know
that we're all guilty of carrying some kind of weapon, and probably a little weed. Hispanics are generally too
lazy to cause much trouble, but I once saw one steal the hubcaps off of a 747.

Metal detectors are pointless and need to be eliminated altogether. What this will do is simply level the playing
field. Right now hijackers have the advantage because they're the only ones who are armed. But if they look
around and see a couple black men, they might realize they're outgunned, and sit back down.

Even without modifications on the ground, I could increase in-flight safety dramatically with a handful of minor
changes. The airlines need to have smoking hot stripper stewardesses serving bacon, and handing out free
booze. They should provide high quality pornography for the in-flight entertainment, with complimentary lotion
and tissues.

Now take your Muslim extremist, with the pocketknife and a stick of dynamite up his ass, and put him on one
of these flights. Try telling this guy,who's getting a lap dance from a hot stewardess while he eats a BLT and
drinks a Jack and Coke, that if he blows up this plane he'll get passage to Paradise. As if 70 homely, sand
encrusted, Muslim virgins that reek of camel piss can compare with this? You throw in a giant Toblerone
when he lands and this guy will drop to his knees, praise Jesus, and sing, "God Bless America".